LostInTheWoods

Well, not scared, let us just say anxious. People that know us round these parts, and cannot speak English, know the following: If you call, and the dumb Englishman answers the phone, speak veeery sloooowly. At my end, you will find me with a strained expression on my face, trying to understand the native, and then formulating a suitable response. We are never going to get a video phone... period.

Answering the phone in an language you are not totally comfortable with is not an easy task, and sometimes, you really don't want to think that hard e.g. rushing out from shower dripping wet, having a soufflé in the oven (yeah right), needing a wee, you know the kind of thing.

As a foreigner trying to learn a new language, the people I am most scared of, are the young and the old. People in both these groups have probably been nowhere near a English textbook in a classroom, so it's down to me to bridge the gap.

Now this is fair enough, I don't want to come across as an arrogant English speaking git. But my brain needs to engage warp factor 8 on occasions like these, and Scotty in the engine room upstairs has got me up to warp factor 5 and is screaming into his intercom, "She canna take any more....!". So I flounder, use awful grammar, and truncate words. Although, I have not yet suffered the indignity of someone asking me to speak English, because they don't understand my poorly constructed Swedish... there's still time.

Three year olds are the worst, as they start to talk back. This little girl I know, cannot understand why I am unable to fully understand her, when other grown ups do. So I have to blag it basically. Oh, and there was that time I was left to look after her for about half an hour by myself. It's not that I don't like kids, it's just, they don't come with a manual, and I have to keep referring to the owner/parent what I should be doing. Without this, I am at sea, and trying to explain to this scared little girl that mummy will be back soon, in Swedish, was traumatic for us both.

Back to phone calls... if it is someone telemarketing, I use my best 1930's BBC voice: "Do you speak English my good man (dear lady)?". Nine times out of ten, the poor Swedish fellow(ette) will say in Swedish "I can ring another day", and they are gone. Why break a perfectly good stereotype?

On a sentimental note, I love phoning the UK to hear the ringing tone. It's a comfortable familiar sound, that always takes me back to my childhood. Daft I know...

Thanks for reading this post.

That is all.
LostInTheWoods